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Walkabout Vampires / "Going to Ground"
Several times in my life, other vampires I've been acquainted with have just
flat severed contact with nearly everyone they know for several months.
This is usually when they are undergoing some kind of trauma in their life, when
you'd think they'd need MORE support from their friends and family, not
less. And yet, they vanish. I find this puzzling; however, I've done similar
things myself.
During my Aunt's recent long, slow death, I felt the need to pare down my
interactions with people. I was so stressed I needed a lot of time alone. This
seems counter intuitive to me. However, being in the presence of other
people, just having to interact with them at all was excruciating. Online, in
person, over the phone, it didn't matter; it hurt to communicate. All I
wanted to do was read, take hot baths, and sleep. Normally, those indicate I’m
depressed.
Now, since I'm clinically depressed anyway, you'd tend to think the idea of
indicators that I'm depressed would be superfluous. It's just who I am, and
yes, I take meds. When I'm more depressed than usual, I have to force myself
to leave my room and go do things. This makes me wonder if other vampires
go into seclusion because they, too suffer from this. I don't know for sure,
but I have some (possibly crackpot) theories.
1). Lack of proper shielding/filtering:
Perhaps the bruises on the psyche reduce the ability to control exposure to
potentially harmful energies. I found that the nursing home my Aunt was in was especially difficult with which to deal. The energies there were, needless to say, most unpleasant. Nobody wanted to be there. Nobody was happy, everyone was miserable either physically, mentally, or both. This includes the staff, visitors, and assorted non-corporeal entities. I could feel it like a foggy
marsh, wrapping around me and trying to keep me there, then clinging to me
as I tried to leave. The emotional turmoil I was in made it harder to keep
this stuff away from me, much harder not to be dragged down into it all than
when I've danced in a nursing home, for example.
2). Social awkwardness:
Vampires are often not good at socializing. Many of us lack expertise with
things like small talk, hiding how we feel, and dealing with the awkwardness
of others discomfort with our pain. Dealing with someone whose life is
falling apart for one reason or another is never easy, and I think we pick up on
those feelings of mild panic other people feel when trying to be supportive
while knowing there is nothing concrete they can do to help. How many times
can anyone stand a conversation that goes something like: "How are you?", "I'm
fine.", "How is your Aunt?",”Dying...". It's very hard on both parties,
yet not taking about it also uncomfortable. It's like trying to ignore a very
annoyed skunk in the room. It just doesn't work. They want to be helpful,
they can't really. The vampire knows the people are honestly reaching out,
but they feel their panic, their horrible memories of similar incidents.
3). Difficulty controlling emotion:
Vampires tend to be emotional people. When we hurt, we hurt deep and long.
It's difficult to interact politely when you want to scream and cry and
break things. Not only that, but other people, especially other vampires, can
sense that. So, to avoid scrambling another vampire’s circuits or frightening
a non-vampire by the sheer depth of emotion present, contact is avoided.
4). Fear:
We are not in full possession of our faculties, so we are more defensive.
Vampires need to be wary. They have to "pass" as normal to get by in the
world, or at least normal enough. Nobody wants to lose a job, loved one or home
because they just didn't fit in well enough and/or scared people. If this
has already happened, it's doubly frightening to think of losing yet more. If
defenses are down due to trauma, the desire to avoid further loss is strong.
This includes having someone that was considered a friend turn around and
break trust by either exploiting the vampire's weakness or by being
unsupportive and/or hostile.
I don't know much as much about psychology as this topic deserves, I'm
afraid. This article could be total balderdash. This could apply to non -vampires as well, or nobody at all. It's just my brain, churning through it. If it's helpful or useful to anyone, I'm glad
Deb McDermond
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