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Walkabout Vampires / "Going to Ground"

Several times in my life, other vampires I've been acquainted with have just flat severed contact with nearly everyone they know for several months. This is usually when they are undergoing some kind of trauma in their life, when you'd think they'd need MORE support from their friends and family, not less. And yet, they vanish. I find this puzzling; however, I've done similar things myself.

During my Aunt's recent long, slow death, I felt the need to pare down my interactions with people. I was so stressed I needed a lot of time alone. This seems counter intuitive to me. However, being in the presence of other people, just having to interact with them at all was excruciating. Online, in person, over the phone, it didn't matter; it hurt to communicate. All I wanted to do was read, take hot baths, and sleep. Normally, those indicate I’m depressed.

Now, since I'm clinically depressed anyway, you'd tend to think the idea of indicators that I'm depressed would be superfluous. It's just who I am, and yes, I take meds. When I'm more depressed than usual, I have to force myself to leave my room and go do things. This makes me wonder if other vampires go into seclusion because they, too suffer from this. I don't know for sure, but I have some (possibly crackpot) theories.

1). Lack of proper shielding/filtering: Perhaps the bruises on the psyche reduce the ability to control exposure to potentially harmful energies. I found that the nursing home my Aunt was in was especially difficult with which to deal. The energies there were, needless to say, most unpleasant. Nobody wanted to be there. Nobody was happy, everyone was miserable either physically, mentally, or both. This includes the staff, visitors, and assorted non-corporeal entities. I could feel it like a foggy marsh, wrapping around me and trying to keep me there, then clinging to me as I tried to leave. The emotional turmoil I was in made it harder to keep this stuff away from me, much harder not to be dragged down into it all than when I've danced in a nursing home, for example.

2). Social awkwardness: Vampires are often not good at socializing. Many of us lack expertise with things like small talk, hiding how we feel, and dealing with the awkwardness of others discomfort with our pain. Dealing with someone whose life is falling apart for one reason or another is never easy, and I think we pick up on those feelings of mild panic other people feel when trying to be supportive while knowing there is nothing concrete they can do to help. How many times can anyone stand a conversation that goes something like: "How are you?", "I'm fine.", "How is your Aunt?",”Dying...". It's very hard on both parties, yet not taking about it also uncomfortable. It's like trying to ignore a very annoyed skunk in the room. It just doesn't work. They want to be helpful, they can't really. The vampire knows the people are honestly reaching out, but they feel their panic, their horrible memories of similar incidents.

3). Difficulty controlling emotion: Vampires tend to be emotional people. When we hurt, we hurt deep and long. It's difficult to interact politely when you want to scream and cry and break things. Not only that, but other people, especially other vampires, can sense that. So, to avoid scrambling another vampire’s circuits or frightening a non-vampire by the sheer depth of emotion present, contact is avoided.

4). Fear: We are not in full possession of our faculties, so we are more defensive. Vampires need to be wary. They have to "pass" as normal to get by in the world, or at least normal enough. Nobody wants to lose a job, loved one or home because they just didn't fit in well enough and/or scared people. If this has already happened, it's doubly frightening to think of losing yet more. If defenses are down due to trauma, the desire to avoid further loss is strong.

This includes having someone that was considered a friend turn around and break trust by either exploiting the vampire's weakness or by being unsupportive and/or hostile.

I don't know much as much about psychology as this topic deserves, I'm afraid. This article could be total balderdash. This could apply to non -vampires as well, or nobody at all. It's just my brain, churning through it. If it's helpful or useful to anyone, I'm glad

Deb McDermond

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